And I'm Alone
by Maggie Cohen
Summary: Chapter Two now up. Roger has noticed a change in Mark. Eventual RogerMark Slash. Please R&R.
1. Prologue

_He's different now. He's not the same - he's not the same Mark from before. Something has changed and it worries me…_

**x**

I could feel their eyes on me intense and calculating - I could almost hear their identical thoughts: _He's too thin. He's so pale_. And the one that baffled him the most…_Why? _Roger had asked him the very question that morning.

"_Why are you doing this, Mark?" and for the first time, his eyes revealed raw emotion. "Why?"_

He couldn't answer that morning and he certainly couldn't answer at the present moment, which is why he ignored the stares that followed him as he stood up to leave the loft. He could hear his friends calling out to him, but he walked on.

His friends. How ironic that it should be them who were staring at him with…_pity_. He couldn't bear pity.

**x**

Why am I the witness  
And when I capture it on film  
Will it mean that it's the end  
And I'm alone…


	2. Chapter One

**Title**: And I'm Alone.

**Author**: Maggie Cohen

**Rating**: PG-13

**Summary**: Roger has noticed a change in Mark. Eventual Roger/Mark. Please R&R.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own RENT - RENT and all its characters, settings, and plot-points belong to Jonathan Larson and so forth.

_**And I'm Alone. **_

_**Chapter One **_

Roger woke up with a start.

He had had such dreams before - dreams that he assumed never meant anything and were just the manifestations of his daytime stress and frustrations. But this was different. Because the painful shriek he had heard in his dream did not cease as soon as he had woken up. It took him a minute or two of taking long dragging breaths to realize that it was his roommate who was screaming from across the loft.

He was instantly on his feet, rushing over to Mark's side of the loft. He hesitated at the door, however. He felt like he was crossing a boundary, walking into a territory that he shouldn't be. But he needed to make sure his roommate was all right.

Opening the door to Mark's room, he saw his best friend on the bed, sitting up and panting heavily. His eyes were darting around the room frantically and his face looked deathly pale illuminated by the moonlight.

"Mark?"

Mark didn't say anything at first, he just let Roger stand at the doorway. After a while, he looked away. He could tell Mark didn't want him there. Didn't want him to see him while he was exposed and raw. He must have had one hell of a nightmare.

He had seen Mark in such a state of distress only twice before - the first being after he was jumped a while back ago, when he first arrived in Alphabet City, and the second was after April had died. Mark had never meant for Roger to see him that way - he never wanted anyone to see him displaying such emotion…and as far as Mark knew, Roger had never seen any of it. But Roger knew. He knew that underneath that camera he always hid behind, he _felt_. And he hurt. Of course, he did. Moments like these proved that. And they served as a painful reminder for Roger, who always began to forget after a while that his friend suffered just as much as the rest of them did.

Roger didn't want to stay in his friend's room any longer. He would go back to his own and he and Mark would pretend that the whole thing never happened. But he couldn't leave. He didn't want to leave his best friend in such a state.

Roger sighed, turning to face Mark before asking, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He spoke. "It was just a bad dream."

"Oh."

Roger now remembered why he never attempted to confront Mark about his emotional life, he never knew how to get past this point. The awkwardness was making both of them incredibly uncomfortable and the silence stretched for a very unpleasant minute.

Finally, it was mark who broke the silence, "You…You should go back to sleep, Roger. You need to rest."

"Um…Yeah, okay." Roger mentally slapped himself as he walked out. He should have at least asked what the dream was about. Mark always knew exactly what to do and say to make Roger feel better. He stayed up with him for entire nights when he fought with Mimi and understood him on a level that no one else did. Roger was worthless. It was just pathetic.

Roger sighed as he threw himself on his bed. Slowly, his thoughts turned back to the nightmare he himself had been having before Mark's had woken him up. He shut his eyes, suppressing the memory. It was going to be a long night, he decided.

**x**

_Author's Note_: I'm probably going to edit this later (I wrote this drabble in the last five minutes) but I just wanted a running start with this fic (lest I get lazy and have a draft sitting in my computer for months). So yeah. Next chapter will be longer and more insightful than this one, I swear. Thank you in advance for taking the time and reading this (and to all those who review).


	3. Chapter Two

**Title**: And I'm Alone.

**Author**: Maggie Cohen

**Rating**: PG-13

**Summary**: Roger has noticed a change in Mark. Eventual Roger/Mark. Please R&R.

**Disclaimer**: I do not own RENT - RENT and all its characters, settings, and plot-points belong to Jonathan Larson and so forth.

_**And I'm Alone. **_

_**Chapter Two**_

The next morning, Mark woke up with a dull headache. "Damn it," he said, looking at the bedside clock - he hadn't slept for more than two consecutive hours the previous night. Sighing, he lifted his weary body from the bed and made his way out of his room and into the bathroom.

Roger was in the kitchen when he saw Mark practically staggering into the bathroom. In an attempt to mask his concern, he asked, "Did you have a little too much to drink last night? You look like shit, Mark."

"Go to hell," was the immediate reply from the bathroom. Sniggering, Roger poured himself some milk on his bowl of Captain Crunch, and preceded to eat while waiting for his roommate.

Mark came out about three minutes later, starring disbelievingly at Roger.

"What?" Roger asked.

"Nothing. You're just up pretty early today."

"Miracles happen."

Mark rolled his eyes. "Take your AZT."

"I already did," Roger stated, his chest swelling with pride.

"What the hell did you do to Roger?"

"Very funny," Roger snorted.

Mark took a seat next to Roger, yawning slightly and burying his head in his arms.

The musician starred at him. "You're not gonna eat?"

"Hn," Mark lifted his heads a little and replied, "I'm not very hungry, you can have the rest if you want. There shouldn't be a lot left anyway. I'll have to go to the supermarket today - is there anything else we need?"

"Nah - we haven't had any bread for a couple weeks now though. Eat something, Mark. You're not the fattest flamingo in the zoo, you know," Roger replied before shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth.

Mark lifted his head completely and gave Roger an incredulous stare. "What the hell? Did you just call me a flamingo?"

Roger began choking on his food in an effort to suppress his laughter. "Shut up," he finally muttered. Mark gave him a teasing smile before saying, "I love your metaphors, Roger. Honestly, I can only imagine how they must enrich your songwriting."

"Fuck you," Roger glared at his companion. This made his roommate laugh, which brought a smile to his own face. He took the opportunity to pour out another bowl of the remaining Captain Crunch and pushed it towards Mark.

"Roger," Mark whined. "I'm not hungry!"

"Listen, Mark, if you don't pick up that spoon in five seconds, I'm going to shove it down your throat myself."

Sigh.   
Mark picked up the spoon.

"Damn right," Roger said, finishing up his own bowl of cereal.

**-o-**Later that day**-o-**

Roger was glad that Mark didn't seem to have been effected by the dream he had had the previous night. Roger wanted to know what had caused his friend to scream out in the middle of the night - he had never heard Mark yell like that - but he didn't want to intrude on Mark's privacy. It was strange, he thought, considering that in the past Roger would have simply pulled the information from his roommate without so much as a thought of consideration for his feelings. Roger knew he could be rash, but he was trying to get better at "thinking about things before doing something stupid", as Mark once put it.

Roger glanced at his roommate, who had fallen asleep on their coach. Much to Mark's delight, Roger had actually volunteered to go with him to the market. Much to Mark's disappointment, Roger grew bored almost instantaneously and sat on a bench reading a magazine the whole time. Feeling guilty, Roger had offered to carry the groceries, but Mark only returned his offer with a glare.

Feeling bored once more, and deciding that things might be more interesting if Mark was awake, Roger made his way over to the coach and plopped himself on Mark's legs. His roommate instantly woke up with a squeal.

"Roger, what the hell!" he whined. "Will you get off of me!"

"Are you still mad at me?"

"_Yes_! Now get off!"

"Fine." Roger chuckled as he watched Mark pull himself to the direct end of the coach.

"Aw, why'd you have to wake me up for Rog? I hardly got any sleep last night," Mark asked frustrated, as Roger sat down beside him. He missed the frown that etched across his best friend's face after he finished his statement.

"You haven't been sleeping all right?" Roger asked, and the tone in his voice made Mark look at him.

"No-I didn't say that," Mark said, remembering the events of the previous nights. "It's just last night, you - you know…"

The conversation had suddenly grown tense and the atmosphere awkward. Roger tried to think of a way to break the silence that began to grow between them after that, but came up short of any.

"I'm going to go out with my camera," Mark finally said, getting up. "I haven't shot anything at all today. I'll be back soon."

"Yeah, ok," Roger replied, both relieved and disappointed that their conversation had ended.

He cursed vehemently under his breath as soon as Mark left the building.

**x**

_Author's Note_: (Warning: Peppiness due to too much chocolate) Aha! It's slightly longer than the last chapter (see Kattybird, I'm getting better!). Thank you to everyone who read, and especially those who took the time to leave a review. You guys are super!

The plot thickens in the next chapter (Next chappie will also be in Mark's POV and the other characters will be make their appearances) - see you all there!


End file.
